forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
