he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
