i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
