im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
