whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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