I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
