she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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