Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
