Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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