Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
