What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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