I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize