Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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