her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
