Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
