some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
