An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
