took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize