i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
