If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
