my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
