i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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