You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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