I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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