I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I love black thongs
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
