Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
