Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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