Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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