I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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