i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
