no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
