Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
