My liver just broke up with me...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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