what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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