i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He passed out mid-signature
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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