I look better un-naked...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
