I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
