Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
