Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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