If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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