hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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