I think my fart just growled at me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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