I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
