Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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