i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
