I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
