I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
