i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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