She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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