I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize