You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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