just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
