You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
