I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
