just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
