If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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