I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
is it fun? or sober?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
