Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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