Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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