Pants 0. Shit 1.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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