Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
