Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
