1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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