dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Damn victory sex feels great
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
