so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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