Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
