i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
