So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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