i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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