she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
